Time to Wake Up!

I started this blog because of my sister in law really. But I thougth of it as an opportunity to write down my thoughts, feelings, share my life and my families life, etc. Today is not different, I am going to do exactly what I meant this blog to be about, and that is my feelings and thoughts expressed in blog form, its therapeutic.

So for the first time in a long time I have had a reality check I would say. I am a diabetic and have been one for nearly six years now, however I am one of the worlds worst diabetics ever! Let me just come clean right here, I don't check my sugars and I don't take my medicine. I think what I have been trying to do is run away from the fact that I have this disease. I think it probably has caught up with me.

I recently went to my womans doctor who took a test called the A1C test, something that diabetics are supposed to get every 6 months to show how one's blood sugar levels have been maintaining over an average of three months. The score you want is a 6.0 or below, well mine was a 11.6! I used the accu chek system online which tells me that my blood sugars have been at least in the well over 300 range for the past several months. When I went to get the test done my fasting blood sugar that morning was 301.... that was fasting! Without anything in me at all! Today my doctor answered my questions pretty straight forward, one question was would you be suprised if the referring doctor put me on insulin? Her reply was "No I wouldn't be suprised". Let's hope not. I have to go to a referring physician so they can help me get control of this. I have been told to expect my life in dialysis or worse if I don't buckle down now and get control of things.

I would have to say I am probably the most scarred than I have ever been in my life, and its also because as much as I want to get things under control, I am scarred I won't. Even though, yes I want to be here for my kids and even though I saw my mother die from complications of diabetes. I am scarred I will faulter somewhere and not make the commitment. I have tried in the past and not succeeded. I guess now its about prayer, hope, taking the time to wake up, and getting it done. I don't want lectures, I have already had them and I imagine next week I will get more from the doctor. I just want well wishes that I can succeed this time, because to tell you the truth I do want to be there for my kids weddings, the birth of their children, and their lives, I am just scarred right now.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Renee